I've been going through a lot lately. I haven't been making the right decisions in my life and I've come to the conclusion it is because I have yet to realize that I have to grow up. Throughout my life there has always been someone there to knock me upside the head (figuratively, of course) & help me get my shit together. But now those people are gone. I only have myself to fix my mistakes. Yes, I still have these peoples' support. But their support is all they can offer. I was talking with some friends yesterday about how in high school every time I was late to class or struggling with a certain subject or having a family crisis I could go to my theatre teacher & he would help me through it all. Now I'm in college & he's teaching at a different school. Rackers can't hold my hand & help me get shit done anymore. All he can do is give me support & advice & hope to God that I don't fuck anything up. That's all anyone can really do now. It's up to me to make things right, to make decisions (whether they be the right or wrong one), & to live my life.

Absolutely Obsessed

I want to see this movie. So. Freakin'. Bad.

Goodbye, Cruel World!!

I am convinced that I am having a stroke right now. The entire right side of my face is in PAIN. I am going to be completely surprised if I make it to see another day. The saddest thing about all of this is I have barely begun to live!! I will never have a teacup pig!! I will never get to ride my hipster bike!! I will never get to make out with Jack Barakat!! I will never get to eat another bacon cheeseburger from Red Robin!! I will never get to fall in love!! I will never get to drink another Coca-Cola!! I will never get to punch Rebecca Black in the face!! I will never find out what happens on How I Met Your Mother!! I will never get to break into the zoo & free all the penguins!! I will never get to win America's Next Top Model!! I will never get to make a sex tape with James Franco!! I will never get drunk and get a tramp stamp of Pikachu smoking a pipe!!

Ok, I'm done being over dramatic. I'm going to take some Nyquil & go to sleep. Good night.

When you put a 'D' at the end of 'fine', you're not fine.

Still sick. When I hear myself speak, all I hear is the random 'D's I add to words. 

Then I think of this clip.

The rant of a sick girl.

I am sick. I woke up yesterday with a sore, dry throat & a horrible cough. The pain is unbearable, so of course I want to go to the nurse & figure out what I can do to, I dunno, MAKE THE PAIN STOP. But of course I call in & the nurse isn't even there. She's not going to be there until Monday. So now I have to wait until 2:30 so I can go to the clinic at MU. I'm glad that I get to actually go to the doctor, unlike all the other times I've been sick this year. It just makes me SO UPSET that I can't go to the nurse here. I've found that she is completely unreliable as a nurse. I need a nurse that can be there when I need her & doesn't automatically assume that my illness is a sign of pregnancy. Maybe this makes me picky, but I know what I like in a doctor & one of the things is someone that is actually there. 

Now I guess it's time for me to go back to bed with my tissues.

 

Ummm.... Hello???

I bought A Clockwork Orange the other day. I was so excited; I love the movie as well as the book & have been dying to own at least one of them for quite a while. So you can understand my disappointment when I opened the box today only to find that I bought a special features disk & a download code. A DOWNLOAD CODE!!! Turns out with this particular copy, I HAVE download the film off of Itunes. Excuse me?? What ever happened to good old fashioned DVDs?? I don't own an Iphone, Ipod, or Ipad so what would I want a digital copy for?? If I want to watch a movie, I don't want to HAVE watch it on my computer. I would love to have options. I'm pretty sure we have an amendment about having options. So thank you, Warner Bros., for taking away one of my rights as an American citizen.

There goes my hero.

I found out that my grandpa has cancer today. Just out of nowhere my dad called me up & told me. I was in complete shock. Hell, I'm still in complete shock. How could this be happening? My grandpa is the strongest man that I know. At the age of 77 he is still driving around East Jesus Nowhere Iowa in his El Camino fixing farm equipment & renting out places & all that jazz. I've only seen him cry once (it was at my graduation). How could this be happening? This man is my hero. He started treatment a few days ago & they say he's doing fine. But I want him to be doing more than fine. I want him to be better. I want my grandpa back to the way he was.